I’m not, but I am already

I’m not, but I am already…….. I’m trying to get out of the crowd. I could feel my hands shaking and my knees weakening as I tried to open the online driver apps.

Where’d you want to go today?

Choose your destination

I feel so confused, so I choose a random point.

Looking for your driver…

“Where’s your home, young lady?”. He’s asking me while giving me the green helmet. I listened, but I didn’t answer. I don’t think I have one, sir.

The rain washes the street away. I’m proud of the clouds. Through the drop, they push out the weight they’ve been carrying. I could feel my eyes doing the same.

“Young lady?!” The man shouted, “I’m sorry, I can’t hear your voice!” I said with a higher note, “I think we’re already back and forth for 30 minutes! Could you tell me where’s your exact address?” He said as he stopped his motorcycle, “I—uh, could you drop me at the park?”

Then he dropped me at the park. This place isn’t strange for me. I sat down on the bench. I’m observing the slider, the swinger, the grass, the branches of the trees, and how the sunshine cuts through its warmth through them. Nothing has changed. Even though I could still hear the laughter, watch their faces. My parents, sometimes my friends, or my niece. It hurts how they’re now only memories.

I continued my pace, randomly. The rain has stopped. The road is empty. But the noises aren’t. Those memories flash in my mind. I’m standing on the ledge of a bridge. Watching the river waving the dirt, hoping I could do the same. Inhale, exhale. I think the world is not spinning anymore, and now my head is. I laugh in tears. “How do I even get here?” My eyes are getting blurry; the world gets dark; has it already stopped?

****

“Sir, can you fill this?”. “How many times have I told you that I don’t have any idea who she is?” “I mean, at least… for the contact number?”

I rubbed my eyes. I can hear the conversation between an old man—I guess he is over sixty years old—and a young nurse—a part-time nurse, I see her—who barely knew everything.

“Hey, sir, “I try to join the conversation, “Nah! Finally, you wake up! You’ve been sleeping for 24 hours! Do you still want to do it?. I could look for professional help, but we need to call your parents, “he interrupts me. “Sir, what something do I want to do?” I frown. “You asked me?! Hey young lady, you are the one who is standing on a ledge! I should’ve been the one who asked you first.” “Sir!” “Is it because your boyfriend dumped you? Or you had no friend?” “Sir! How can I explain if you keep babbling?”

****